I wish I had the confidence I have now at age 17, when I was meant to leave for Berklee. At the time, I didn’t think I was much, but I see now how great I would have been there. It’s the only regret I have that I can call a regret. And I always come right around to this, no matter the other loves I pick up along the way. Every time I think it’s gone, I come right back to this intense passion of mine like I need it to breathe. And I often wonder how I’ve survived so long without it.
“I think I’m greedy, but I’m not greedy for money - I think that can be a burden - I’m greedy for an exciting life.”
I’m not so much creative as I am brilliant at imitation or adding on to the smallest original. I see creative things professionally but it’s very hard for me to come up with an amazing idea from scratch.. at least in a small amount of time. I hate this about myself and it’s showing in the advertising part of my job, which collides with my perfectionism and it’s just no fun. Maybe it just takes me a while to really come up with an idea worthy, but “time is money” in the workplace.
I really just want to move out and get my own place already. Surroundings seem more important to me than most people. I don’t know why that is, but I do know that I have this need to see beauty. Scenery gives me such strong feelings. I think it’s such a waste of your twenties to live at home. Too bad so many people are living at home until they’re thirty because of financial issues. I’m going to find a way though, no matter what I do. I don’t understand anyone who chooses to live at home. *cough cough* Aka the biggest problem with my relationship is the obvious imbalance of maturity. Sometimes I am too impulsive, or adventurous, depending how you look at the world. Maybe the time isn’t right when I want it to be, but I’m tired of the constant push and pull the universe gives me. I don’t remember the last time I felt I truly made my own decision in this world.
We’re growing up together, I see differences all the time recently. And it’s so hard to do sometimes, but it’s so beautiful too. I enjoy the calmness with you. I would give anything to keep it that way always.
I have to remember to post pictures to this.
You meet these really wonderful people, and they go in and out of your life in an instant. Some of them I learn to see inside and through them and I let them see me. Its hard when I rarely let people in, but when I do, and I can’t be with them anymore I never ever forget them. I feel like I’ll know them forever, and I hope to, but I miss them. A real yearning. The beginning of my adult life I was so successful in making some serious best friends, some just only last year. But I guess some are meant to be chapters, no matter how much I don’t want to believe that. So I’m trying to be more receptive and open to people. I’ll be trying to figure that out forever I think, because it’s just not who I am. But I try and I keep meeting more people to yearn after. I say this now because I see myself in this new life with my new job and I’m learning about the new people I surround myself with every day. I’m ready to go forward but I’m not at all ready to let go of my past. Can’t I ever just be content?
I see this image of how I want my life to be, how I can make myself happy. It’s a really simple idea in my head, but I can’t seem to grab hold of it at all and it’s killing me inside. Life should be lived so easily in your twenties.