“It was real, wasn’t it? You and me. Such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. But we really loved each other, didn’t we?”
I keep accomplishing things but my memories stop where we left off. I’m scared I’ll be stuck there forever, waiting. Until the next significant memories begin. I’m moving but not retaining until that feeling is back. I just don’t know if you’re the only one to give it to me or not.
The only reason a girl needs a boyfriend in this world is the fact that her friends will always choose their boyfriends first and what is she left with? She can only go be left with a boyfriend. While guys don’t have this issue because they are way more apt to choose their friends. Logical and sickening all at once.
I’m obsessed with how many people I’m allowed to call my best friends throughout this lifetime. Seriously, blessed.
He has a place in my heart forever, and I need to accept that and move forward. This is where black and white thinking becomes a problem.
I’ve been in a serious funk this last week over memories. There is no remedy for memory. Sometimes I can’t even remember you and right now it’s all so vivid and it’s painful and I want it to go away. Maybe it’s the change in season. Maybe I just haven’t had constant distraction or new opportunities to see myself through other people, so I fall back on the last best thing. I need a new best thing; a better thing. It also doesn’t help to know how adamant you are about getting over me. I’m pretty much just sitting here quietly, minding my own business, giving no signs of hating you. You cut me out, and it hurts to know the actual capability of not only people, but a person who loved you. Maybe I should just take it as a compliment.. that to accomplish getting over me you have to go to great lengths to pretend I don’t exist.
"You never left my side, and then I just left you. I bet you sat there wondering what you’d done wrong."
But the things that we have with each other, I don’t have with any other person. With any other human being apart from you.
People who walk around addicted to another person really freak me out at this point in my life. Because that was me. And I don’t think it does anything except cause harm and loss of identity that takes too long to get back. I don’t think I’m capable of that ever again. I’m such a changed person, it amazes me.